Leave it up to me

I can barely speak

Hold me in your sleep

But you say her name

Begging you to stay

Feel you pull away

Wait another day

For more of the same

Maybe you never loved me

At all

Careful where you stand

You shadow of a man

Gave to you my hand

Was I ever wrong

Lies between your teeth

No apologies

Silver on your sheets

The minute I’m gone

Chorus

Oh, I used to be

A fragile ghost of me

Shattered at my feet

At the tiniest fight

And you could never see

The fire that I keep

Raging within me

It’s a beautiful light

So maybe you never loved me

At all

Maybe you never loved anything

At all

Maybe you never loved me at all

The world is green

And I am disappearing

Underneath the weight of

What we’ve become

And it’s only me

But the voices I am hearing

Tell me I’m not done

Something ‘bout the way

This open road

Stretches out from Nashville

Back to home reminds me

I am more than what

Has happened here

There is only everything after you

There’s a bluer sky

Over the horizon

If I just keep this little heart in drive

And a greater life

If I can keep my eyes on

What is truly mine

Something ‘bout the way

It feels right now

Tells me it’ll all work out somehow

And I’m finding

I am more than what

I’ve come to fear

There is only everything after you

And I know this much is true

It’s a wonder how

We can lose ourselves in something

We believe will always stay the same

But when we turn around

And find we’re left with nothing

We can walk away

Something ‘bout the time

I’ve wasted on

Everything you said, oh, but

You were wrong

What you couldn’t give

You were so withdrawn

Trying to be exactly

What you wanted

All the things that I knew

All along

Add up to the reasons why I’m gone

And are behind me

I will never ever disappear

There is only everything after you

And I know this much is true

I’ve had enough, isn’t it time?

That all this let up and I could release

And just breathe for a while?

I did a lot of things right

Or so I thought

But I still have to fight

And I’m losing myself in this hell

That you’ve brought

What if we pay for our sins

This side of the ground?

Maybe the joke of it is

We never find out

If it’s ever enough, if the debt is repaid

If all of this pain is the worth of

The hurt that we gave

What if whatever we’ve done

Comes back around to us –

Would you still do the same?

What if you find

Somehow, I’ve changed?

That all of this time in the dark

Was the spark that created this flame?

You have your story and I’ve got mine

Don’t you see that the more we

Make room for these truths

The less we will hide

The less we will lie

The less this will die?

Chorus

I’ve had enough, isn’t it time

That all this let up and I could release

And just breathe?

Low, in the places that you hide

I know how hard you’ve tried

To make it work

And although they’ve stolen

All your pride

Cast your loyalty aside

The beginning of the leaving

Always hurts

So take only what you need

There is more ahead

Than all you leave behind

Take only what you need

There is salvation in the emptiness

You’ll find

Slow, like the changing of the tide

It comes from deep inside

With simple words

And I know you won’t be satisfied

Living life between the lies

That hold you down from

All that you deserve

Chorus

You’ve carried enough for now

You’ve made it here alive

And still beautiful somehow

So, when you open up your eyes

And finally decide that you come first

You’ll go, taking one step at a time

And I hope you’ll realize, that

Darling, everything is exactly

What you’re worth

Chorus

Can this be called bravery?

Walking away from someone

Who can’t wait for me to leave

But they won’t hold the door?

You wanted to make believe

As if it wasn’t enough

That all you could do was lie to me

Who was it even for?

You never thought of

Asking me to stay

You just shrugged, didn’t look up

And said, “Okay”

Well now, didn’t you just get

Every little thing that you wanted?

Didn’t this all go exactly

As you planned?

You like to say I’m better off

‘Cause it makes you feel

Like a better man

Still, you just can’t leave

But I can

Go on and wait and see

See what you get when you run

From yourself and everything

You could be

If you just loved a little more

Look what I’ve made of me

Who I’ve become is

Who I’ve always been

And lately, I’m feeling like

I’ve been here before

So you can sell yourself as

The martyr that you play

But I know the truth of what I do

Not what you say

Chorus

So you keep on running away

So this is bravery

Walking away from somebody

Who never could say to me

I don’t want this anymore

I said, “I love you”

Even though you said it first

Brought my kiss

Like water to your lips

You were dying there of thirst

I said, “I need you”

Even though you needed me

Gave my breath

It weathered me instead

Who you wanted me to be

These words fall like flowers

From my mouth

Promises like violets

Delicate and low

Never knew just how to figure out

You didn’t want a garden

Your desert heart had hardened

And nothing there could grow

I said, “I’m sorry”

Even though I wasn’t wrong

Sent my tongue

With fire from the sun

Burning virtue with my song

These words fall like flowers

From my mouth

Apologies like roses

Beautiful and slow

Never knew just how to figure out

You didn’t want a garden

Your desert heart had hardened

And nothing there could grow

I said, “I’m leaving”

Even though I would have tried

Took my things

Left behind my rings

As the ground beneath me died

These words fall like flowers

From my mouth

Honesty like lilies

Strength you will never know

All these years ‘til now to figure out

You didn’t want a garden

Your desert heart had hardened

And nothing there could grow

I would know

Loving you and your heavy heart

Is the hardest thing to do

You try to pull me under

Hide the light, hide the truth

I believed there was something

I was loving for

But every step I take is empty

Lose the battle, lose the war

I am waking from this slumber

Lying underneath your hand

Thinking I was sleeping safely

That who I love is who I am

With your eyes to the horizon

Feigning efforts to decide

You lose sight of my attention

You should run, you should hide

Don’t sleep for thinking

I am not listening

Don’t fight for thinking

I’ll just lay down

Don’t weep for me

As the night is thickening

This life is mine and I will die for it

There’s another side to silence

There’s a different shade of kind

You may thing I’m merely hiding

But I bite my tongue, bide my time

I’ve become what you have made me

Brought forth from your belief

So I learn to come out howling

Show my shadow, show my teeth

Chorus

You said I was your forever

You said I would be your home

But you are gone

Well before I leave you

Still alive but not alone

Now I walk this wild, wooded world

With this knowing I will go

That it is always my decision

What I’ll be, what I’ll show

You will never be so lucky

To know exactly who I am

For deep in every woman

Lives a wolf, lives a lamb

The pink in the twilight sky

Reminds me there is life

After my last breath

In our empty apartment

And the heat of this long July

It finds me making friends

With my own death

Wondering where my heart went

The navy of the midnight sky

Reminds me it is darkest

Before the dawn

Or so I’ve been told

If there is one thing here alone

That binds me, it’s that

I waited so long

To let you go

There will never be

A way to go back

That isn’t only in my head

Right in front of me

Blooming through the cracks

Is a life that isn’t over yet

The gold in the morning sky

Reminds me dreams are

Coming true

And I am all I will ever need

And the light behind my eyes

It blinds me, the only way out

Is through

And this heart is a machine

Chorus

This heart is a machine

And I am all I will ever need